The hard part of a Christmas jumper was never finding one. It is finding one you can actually wear to the place you are going. A slogan that brings the house down at the pub can end a Christmas party early, and the jumper that wins the office competition can look faintly deranged at a family lunch.
So every jumper on this site carries a Read the Room rating: a plain verdict on where it is safe to wear. There are five.
Office-safe
263 jumpers in the shop right now
No slogan that needs explaining, no reference that leaves half the room out, nothing a manager would have to have a word about. Most of the catalogue lands here, which is as it should be: most Christmas jumpers are worn to work.
Depends on the office
30 jumpers in the shop right now
Our copy for these carries a "read the room" warning — a joke that lands in a relaxed office and dies in a client meeting, or a reference that some colleagues will enjoy and others will ask you to explain. Fine if you know your office. If you have to wonder, you already know.
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Depends on the officeStreet Fighter Christmas Jumper
£65.74 ($87.12) View on Amazon -
Depends on the office'I Come in Peace' Matching Couples Christmas Sweatshirt
£56.59 ($74.99) View on Amazon -
Depends on the officeWhy Is The Carpet All Wet, Todd? Matching Couples Jumpers
£54.32 ($71.99) View on Amazon
Pub only
28 jumpers in the shop right now
Innuendo, swearing, or a double meaning that is not remotely double. These are funny, some of them genuinely so, but they belong at the pub, with friends, and in no photograph your employer will see.
Family photo
17 jumpers in the shop right now
Couples sets and family packs, designed to be worn together and photographed together. The rating is about purpose rather than risk: buy these because of who you are wearing them with.
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Family photoWild Custom Apparel His and Hers Christmas Party Jumpers
£54.32 ($71.99) View on Amazon -
Family photoWhy Is The Carpet All Wet, Todd? IDK Margo Couples Jumpers
£54.32 ($71.99) View on Amazon -
Family photoWild Bobby Why Is The Carpet All Wet, Todd? Couples Jumpers
£52.81 ($69.99) View on Amazon
Playground-safe
39 jumpers in the shop right now
Children's sizes, clean designs, and nothing that a teacher would have to send home. The copy for each says how the sizing runs, because children's sizes vary more than adults'.
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Playground-safeToddler Merry and Bright Snowman Christmas Sweatshirt
£11.31 ($14.99) View on Amazon -
Playground-safeToddler Christmas Goose Sweatshirt, Boys and Girls
£9.80 ($12.99) View on Amazon -
Playground-safeToddler Girls' Santa and Reindeer Christmas Top, 1-7 Years
£10.56 ($13.99) View on Amazon
How the verdicts are decided
Nobody pays for a rating, and none is generated by guessing from a product title. Each verdict comes from a judgement we have already written down:
- Pub only jumpers are the ones we have put in the rude collection, usually after reading the design properly, because Amazon listings rarely admit what is printed on the front.
- Depends on the office jumpers are the ones where our own write-up warns you to read the room.
- Playground-safe and Family photo follow the kids and matching collections.
- Everything else is Office-safe, and we checked: where our copy mentions innuendo or HR, it is almost always to say a jumper has none.
The rude warning outranks everything. A matching set with a filthy pun on it is still pub only, however good the family photo would be.
Think we got one wrong?
Possibly. Offices differ, and a joke that is harmless in one is a disciplinary matter in another. If a verdict looks wrong to you, tell us and we will look at it again. The rating is advice, not a guarantee, and nobody knows your office better than you do.